This Is Me

Yesterday I stayed home. All day. I went outside twice with Jack. Other than that, I relaxed, read, prayed, and took a lot of deep breaths. It was a really good day. Around noon I took a shower and everything looked kind of surreal and wonderful. The sun coming through the blinds in the bathroom, the blue of the tile, the steam on the mirror. 

 I wrapped my hair in a towel to let it dry. I did some more reading, thinking, relaxing. A little while later I removed the towel from my hair and caught a glimpse of myself in our family room mirror. Immediately I thought, "Wait, I look pretty." I genuinely believed it. And I snapped a picture of myself. Usually if I take a picture of myself, it takes me twenty tries to get something I think is appropriate for sharing. But this time I took one picture and I thought, "This is me". This is the picture I took:

Since middle school I have struggled with acne and insecurity. Of course everyone deals with insecurity. It's not a new or obscure topic. Even now, as a 21 year old, I feel immature because of my acne/scars from acne. My husband can tell me I'm beautiful a million times and I can say thank you but I usually don't believe it. I don't feel beautiful. But lately I'm starting to enjoy who I am. I've done what I can for acne, so now what? Let it continue to bother me and affect my emotions? I'm starting to enjoy who I am. I don't reach for the curling iron anymore. I like that awkward wave in my almost board straight hair. This is me and I'm starting to enjoy who I am.

With all these thoughts, I am also reminded that my body will not last. I won't have to worry about acne or curly hair in the new creation. It won't matter. It shouldn't matter right now. I know that this body will pass away but my soul and my relationship with the Creator will live on. That is my focus. That is why I'm starting to enjoy who I am. This is me. Deep down in my soul somewhere, there is the real me, created in the image of the Father, redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ, and constantly renewed by the life giving Holy Spirit. This is me.

"But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself." Philippians 3:20-21